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Tori

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[19 Nov 2008|01:40pm]
[ mood | irate ]

I hate, with an overwhelming amount of rage, automated phone services.

Seriously. The bitch is an idiot. She never understands anything. If you get upset, your increased volume fucks it all up. God forbid they just hire some people to answer the goddamn phone. My favorite part? How she always refers to their website. "Just check out our website... blah blah blah."

Honestly, do you think I would have called if your fucking website had the answers I needed? I know you have an FAQ, but if I have a specific or strange, circumstantial question, guess what? IT WOULDN'T BE ON THE FAQ BECAUSE IT IS NOT FREQUENTLY ASKED.


/rant.

a Floating Bubble°°

[14 Nov 2008|12:58pm]
[ mood | sick ]

hrm.

theres a protest going on today, that I would have loved to attend and participate in... but I have to work. WTF? I have only 15 hours this week and today of all days, I work? Ugh.

Yesterday was intense. I cleaned house like whoa. Dishes, cat box, mopped, vacuumed, did laundry, cleaned my room, reorganized the bookshelf.... if you had only seen it. Reorganized the living room...

And my gift in return? Killer cramps. >_< I hate life. >O

Oh found a really nifty wooden kitty at the Q-House yesterday too. It was only $3 so now it sits on the desk. I'll have to post a photo of it later. ALSO! I went to the fish store finally. It was so much fun.... I am so lame, I know. I swear to god, I was staring at all the salt-water fishies and coral and snails and crabs for like.... almost two hours.

^_^;; I like fish.

In other news, (I'm trying to not talk about my job!) I don't have another doctor's appt until Dec 1st! And my pain is PAINFUL. I read somewhere about keeping a pain diary... I'm not sure wtf that even is.... but I dunno. Maybe I should because I never talk to the fuckin doctors... I get all nervous about saying something retarded... lol.

Oh well.

3 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Hrm [04 Nov 2008|04:10pm]
[ mood | jittery ]

Voting.

In other news, I don't think I feel comfortable being attacked at work for who I vote for. Seriously.

In completely other news, I am doing slightly alright since I left the hospital. Don't have time for the horrendous update on the visit, but I am indeed still alive.

Andrea cut my hours. I am severely displeased. I need my hours to eat. To survive. She still has her hours. Whatever. I don't care anymore. She seems genuinely concerned about me though. Although whether she is actually worried about me or about me dying and leaving her without someone to clean up her messes at work, I'm not sure.

Brandy is telling everyone he is going to sue Shakeland. I think its funny as shit. Especially since Art is telling Andrea and she told me to be worried. Not about Brandy. But profit is down really low.

And he said he might close up shop. Then we will all be fucked. At least Andrea will be fucked too.

Is that awful of me?

It's getting to be too much. I honestly don't know why the hospital didn't also prescribe anti-anxiety meds. Seriously. My entire body is just a shaking trembling movement.

And my heart hasn't settled. It won't. Which I find fairly unfair on its behalf, I took it to be checked. Why didn't it cooperate?! Stupid body, stupid heart, stupid me.

I really don't understand what I'm going to do. If I keep working, I'll die... If I quit working, I'll starve and then die. Great options there.

I've got to get ready for work so I can be dressed for my upcoming stress-induced tet attacks. Yay for that. I've got enough stress to cause my heart condition to be out of control. What is wrong me?

2 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Sometimes You Dread the Next Day [28 Oct 2008|03:23am]
[ mood | artistic ]

So Im still sick.

I called out today. And kind of told Andrea off, so we'll see how tomorrow plays out. I'm proud that I told her off, kinda wondering if I still have a job. Eh.

In other news, Snuggle-Bunny and I carved pumpkins!!! It was my first time carving one... And we took pictures. XD

Here is Snuggle-Bunny's pumpkin. Much better carver than me. o_0;;

Scary Carved Pumpkins Beneath!Collapse )

Well yep. Thats really all.

Oh and tonight's episode of Heroes? WTF....? Although the sudden Elle/Claire shipping was sweet. ^_^;;

4 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

[25 Oct 2008|11:17am]
[ mood | sick ]

i am sniffles and wet eyes.

i am sore throats and hard to swallow.

i wish you all would keep your damn germs to yourself.

oh how i hate being sick. -sniffle-


my throat really hurts. everyone i work with is a douche for contributing toward making me sickie.



grr.


i dont wanna do a double today, i wanna snuggle into the blankets, watch a movie and snooze with lots of juice and cough drops. sigh.

1 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

[19 Oct 2008|04:48am]
[ mood | pleased ]

I fucking did it. FINALLY.


new layout. bitches. made everything. The images, the codes. did it all. i am so proud.... and in that aspect, really.... really.... pathetic. xD


oh well.


i have to sleeeeep.

3 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Help Me Name This [19 Oct 2008|12:24am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

A steady drumbeat sounds
Loud and rhythmic, lasting over ten score
The soft lull of peace, the sultry warmth of choice
With an outstretched hand, sunlight spreading
Reaching for an idea that was whole only moments before
Its tangibility fades;
Smokey tendrils, opaque light passes between fingertips
Never to be grasped again
Things that were; Things that never will
Blending the morality line ethics dance upon
All cease to be as once were, collapsing silently.
Wide eyes of ignorance stare with wonder at the happenstance
The presence of the future looming ahead and trailing behind
Time shifts drastically, chiding and chastising
Leaving nothing but confusion for the weary and poor
Perhaps things weren't meant to last this long.



This poem has no name as of yet. I'm working on a title. I feel like this was pretty good, considering its the first poem (other than a school project) that's on a subject other than introspective insight and emotions.

Feedback (good or bad!) is highly welcomed and appreciated. Thanks everyone.

1 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

New Icons [18 Oct 2008|03:18am]
Woot. I made two crappy icons tonight. lol.



And still, I'm putting off working on making a new layout. I'm so lazy... >_>;;
a Floating Bubble°°

ARGH [16 Oct 2008|07:03am]
I made a new layout... now just to configure the fucking codes.


I have a doctors appointment in the morning. and then work. and here is it, 7am.... WTF AM I DOING AWAKE?!
2 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Wow, What a Surprise [12 Oct 2008|08:00pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

I finally feel like it doesn't bother me anymore. I have come to accept that I loved her dearly. And a special place for her always is in my heart, however I can move on and let the distance and time mend me. I no longer get sad during movies or songs that remind me of her. I can watch shows that we watched together without feeling lonely or sad. The only time I feel anything really is nostalgia and it doesn't truly affect me, it just fills me with a warm wonder of how things were in the past.

I'm glad I did decide to call her for her birthday. And maybe she'll never call me back. I know deep down that if she chooses that, I will be just fine. I don't need her reassuring hand, her loving inclination, her soothing voice to smooth things over. I am strong and I have someone to love of my own. I cannot waste my time or my life dedicated to a figure in my past.

And maybe soon, when I move westward, as I am preparing to do as we speak, I will mayhap run into her. Maybe catch a glimpse of her at the store or pass her on the open street. I will kindly wave, maybe even join her for a snippet of lighthearted conversation. However, I will remain unphased. After so many years of my own self-induced torment, struggling to forgive myself for the mistakes and anguish I caused her through no true intentions, I have finally found my own forgiveness. I am free of the self-imposed debt for craven, manipulative actions and feel like I could jump.

Of course, my heart condition's current state says that jumping would not be a good idea. I should really get a check up. >_>;; I really do. It worries me.

Onto other news, I CAN NOT WAIT until the 16th! My doctor's appt. for my shoulder. FINALLY.

Yay. /sarcasm.

I feel better already, lighter is the weight of my soul. -sigh-

2 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Things That Would Have Been Useful YESTERDAY [30 Sep 2008|10:54am]
[ mood | infuriated ]

  • Letting me know that you could not or did not wish to drive me to my doctor's appointment
  • Letting me know that you could not or did not wish to drive me to the radiology center to pick up my MRI Films
  • Not reassuring me for the last two and a half weeks that it would not be a problem and to not worry about how to get to aforementioned places on this date.
Thank you. Once again YOU have fucked up and inherently FUCKED up my schedule with my doctors. GOD FUCKING FORBID you think about ANYONE else but yourself. Or maybe your girlfriend could have fucking called me when I tried reaching you, TWELVE phone calls ago. She KNEW that you were supposed to drive me. She spoke to you about it. She took your kids to school so she knew you were still sleeping. A phone call would have killed her cunt-ass fucked-up personality, wouldn't it? It would something polite to do. God forbid. She's worse than you, but then again, I suppose that's why the two of you are together. Seriously. This is ridiculous. I hate you, I can't stand you. You are a terrible person, a terrible friend, and an even worse managerial person. Seriously. How you even have your job is beyond me. Why Art has some strange unprofessional attachment to you and refuses to believe you ever make mistakes is completely beyond not just me, but I suspect many employees and definitely past employees.

And then you had the motherfucking NERVE to ask me to COVER your SHIFT today. Instead of attending my appointments.

"No no, my arm? My shoulder? It doesn't hurt..." WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I HAVE THESE FUCKING APPOINTMENTS?! I'LL TELL YOU THIS, IT ISN'T FOR FUN, YOU BITCH.

Sorry, but my shoulder provides me far more than enough pain and stress, I don't need extra servings from you. Seriously. What you did to me today is so green, its disgusting.


I just wanted to go to the bloody doctors today to see if maybe this guy had any remote clue as to what the fuck is wrong with my arm. This medication doesn't help the pain, its just... basically a fever-reducing arthritic pain reliever. I don't think this is arthritis so .... the meds don't do shit. I just want my arm to stop hurting. At this point, I don't care if I need help taking my shirt off or struggle painfully to wash my hair every single day. I just want the pain to stop. Then, maybe I can move onto dressing myself again.
a Floating Bubble°°

[26 Sep 2008|02:23pm]
i miss my friends.

i miss having days.

i sleep waaay too much and work too often.

i need something to happen.
a Floating Bubble°°

[24 Aug 2008|11:11am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

this shit is over. i cant do this anymore. i can hardly take care of myself anymore, let alone another human being with as many issues as i have on my own.

whatever. i dont need your sympathy or your pity, nor do i want it. i just want this all to end.

how bad is it to get trashed this early in the morning anyhow? i suppose i really am my father's kid. funny how that works, huh?

a Floating Bubble°°

Well [29 Jul 2008|03:10pm]
[ mood | cold ]

My goal in life? When I turn 21 (in 9 days!!), i've decided Im going to become a lush.


ROFLMAO!

Last night was intensely crazy, i do believe at one point i called indigo drunkenly. XD

OAH!

I should update with all the spendlific things that occurred but ill do that tonight.


oh and my newest favorite thing ever? THE ROCKET WIDGET. google it.

6 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

[27 Jul 2008|06:12am]
my burrito doesnt love me.

EXCITEMENT [20 Jul 2008|04:27am]
[ mood | excited ]

SOooooooooo eric has me all excited. he got the new WoD: Innocents core rulebook and the last three days? Me, Jonathan, and Jamie have been furiously creating and sculpting our children characters. OMG I am soooooo excited about tomorrow when the three of us will meet for the first time.



-bounces- Seriously. I have such high hopes for this, i am thrilled!

3 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

[18 Jul 2008|01:10pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I GOT MAI RAISE


ART ISH PROUD OF MEH AND MY IDEAS!

BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

a Floating Bubble°°

Doctor Who [14 Jul 2008|03:33pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I caught a rerun this morning and it made me sad. I miss watching Doctor Who but since the last episode I saw was after the big torchwood incident and then the end of Rose and the beginning of Martha Jones, but after that kiss, and the Doctor meeting her parents, i think, that's all I've seen.

I miss the Doctor. And I can't ever tell when the damn reruns of the last season are on so I'm not sure what to do. I suppose I can try to catch up online somewhere...

-thinks-

a Floating Bubble°°

[03 Jul 2008|02:59pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Physical Therapy hurts.


My arm is screaming.

4 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

Day One [19 Jun 2008|01:12pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

So this morning, bright and early =_=, I had my first session of physical therapy. I have to go 3-4 times a week, for 6 weeks. Then get another MRI and X-Ray to see progress and if my conditon is getting better or worse. Depending on that, they will decide on whether to send me to oncology or not.

Anyhow. My therapist's name is Lee-Ann and she's very pretty. And friendly. She made me laugh. But she made me hurt too... -sigh- I knew it wouldnt be fun but still...

I have my next session tomorrow... and my arm is huuuuurting now. Plus I have like... 10 exercises to do tonight/today at some point. And they all are bothersome and painful. >_<

On a different note, I turned in an application for these apartments and she waived the app. fee for me. w00t. hopefully me and jonathan are accepted that way, i can just struggle to move into there instead of looking for somewhere else.

5 Poppeda Floating Bubble°°

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