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Tori

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Friends Only! [02 Dec 2020|01:07am]
[ music | miku hatsune - still alive | Powered by Last.fm ]



Some things can only be shared with friends. Most of my entries are locked. Comment to be added.


No, this isn't a friend-cut, don't worry. ^_^b
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[15 Jul 2009|02:46pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I think I might delete my livejournal.

0_0

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Rest In Peace [26 Jun 2009|11:41am]
[ mood | sad ]

I don't have much to say but I can say I am truly heartbroken for Michael Jackson. He was only 50 years old too.

To me, Michael was so filled with wonderment and joy, I really do believe he was striving to create a better world for not just the children, but everyone. It hurts me that so many people were so focused on the molestation charges. Whether or not he did that, I don't think Michael did anything like that in an intentionally harmful way and I don't believe he was ever a real man.

Michael will always be that little boy from the Jackson 5. He will always be a bright, smiling face, bringing us hope and love through what was indeed, tremendously amazing music. He really was an incredibly talented and gifted human being. His heart was in the right place, even if his mental state of mind wasn't.

Another artist misunderstood and harshly beaten with the conformity stick. I'm glad he never gave up and I'm glad he made it so far. The entire world will miss you, Michael. We all mourn for the loss of such an extraordinary legend.

Michael Jackson Aug 29, 1958 to June 25, 2009.

a Floating Bubble°°

[04 May 2009|01:34pm]
And I'm back! Finally.

A much bigger update is coming.
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[27 Jan 2009|02:35pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I have a fantastic idea for a new novel. However, I need help with the historical fabrications... Are any of my friends out there like, huge history people? World history and Ancient History, with a touch of timelines...? Anyone?

Anyhow, I suppose I'll be working on that.

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News Flash! [16 Jan 2009|09:47pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | Nine Inch Nails - Somewhat Damaged | Powered by Last.fm ]

Apparently I'm a bitter, antisocial, depressive, bitch. Well, I suppose I need to wear a warning label. I told you all this. Don't you remember?



Of course not. That would mean I'd at least be able to gloat with an "I told you so"...

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Images [31 Dec 2008|05:02am]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | Orgy - Fiction (Dreams In Digital) | Powered by Last.fm ]

Just something I made. I wrote this last month. Its just a tiny snippet. I decided to add a more creative edge to it and turn it into an actual image instead of just a block of text. Thus, I updated my profile into just one image. Go look. Or if you're really lazy (like me lol), I'll link it here too.
Comments/Feedback? )

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Painful Test is Painful [23 Dec 2008|11:59pm]
[ mood | injured ]

So I hate doctors. Especially doctors that are complete jackasses, even when you've stated that you are nervous and scared of a specific test.

I hate needles, I hate being poked and prodded. I also hate being electrocuted. I don't care if it's in the name of medicine or science or anything else. It hurts. I can't close my right hand now, thanks to some fuckhead MD. My elbow hurts to bend and my shoulder and neck hurt so bad, I wanna just crawl into a hole and die...

I think my favorite part of everything is the outcome/result of the tests... Apparently my brain works just fine, which I kind of figured since its not a neurological problem. But nobody listens to me, because I'm not a doctor and because I suck at describing things through speech.

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Why Mika Todd?! Why?! [21 Dec 2008|03:45pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | アイ~ン!ダンスの唄!:. ミニモニ。 ]

I always knew I didn't like her. Fuck, I don't like her at all. She was always the one who threw off the whole group, looking stupid as shit. And now, now she is going to do this?! Oh please, Mika.... Have you really come to that? Ugh. I could see some stupid cartoon like Bratz or some other such nonsense, but this?! That's so sad.

And I mean, you had potential. A decent voice, a pretty face. Why throw it away degrading society with shitty "urban hip-hop"...? Why? I thought you had left to play music with your dad and make jazz?! How do you go from uber cute sing-a-long sickeningly sweet kiddie pop music to rap?

-shakes head-


I can't say I'm surprised but I am disappointed.

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[20 Dec 2008|04:43pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

Pietà was good. It truly was. ^_^

I wish it had a better art style. Oh well.

I really only started reading it because of LIFE and I never got to finish that and saw a similarity in the two, albeit small.


ARGH I dont know why, but I've been feeling really sick in my tummy lately. 0_o;; Maybe its the lack of food? I dunno. x_x


EDIT: I finally spoke to Jamie again yesterday. It was... well, it was. She got me a xmas gift. I got a jawa! ^__^b His little eyes are creepy though. I set him up on my PC's tower and the sunlight hits his eyes through the blinds and they shine. XD

In other news, last night around 3am, the people who live across the way in our apartment complex were screaming and fighting and shit. It was really loud and then I heard them hitting each other and it was going on for a really long time. So I called the police. 0_o; They came out (three cruisers) and questioned them, I suppose. And I was hoping that Yumi wouldn't come back at that precise time, I didn't want anyone to know I had called. Well they arrested one dude and then there was this couple who were with them but the cops hadn't questioned them, I guess. They stood by their car for like, 30 minutes before they gave up and went inside. I think they were trying to leave. Then after all the noise settled down and only the cops were still outside, Yumi came back to the door, whining to get in. XD

I'm pretty sure that will quiet them down for a few nights, at least. The last couple of nights, he's been firing off his air rifle at like, 3am. WTF man, you can't do that....

Well, I've got paperwork to fill out and a book to read. See ya all later.

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Hrm... [15 Dec 2008|02:32pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Lights Out:. MSI ]

So I finally broke down and got a Last.FM.... yay?

Lol. I feel it might end up being one of those things that consume me, the way I am about music. Argh. God I want an iPod. T_T Still unable to get ahold of Unemployment, so thats lame as shit... My neck and like.... shoulder/spine area is clicking alot. I dont think thats normal... Plus the last few days my chest has been hurting. Quite a lot. >_>;; Oh well.

I really wish I could find this song but its NOWHERE on the interwebs, I swear to god...
Grr.

Oh well. Im kind of in a really pessimistic mood. Can anyone honestly blame me?

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SO Frustrated! [05 Dec 2008|11:02am]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | RE Your Brains:. JoCo ]

I absolutely hate automated phone systems. I am pretty sure I've already written that before. However, I hate them and they are causing me to want to rip my hair out. I understand there is an exceptional amount of people without jobs during this economic crisis, but that doesn't mean we, collectively, should be punished. If you call the number, it takes a good 5-7 minutes to get through to the actual menu. They have to inform you first that the unemployment department has received a new extension deadline or some such bullshit. Then, once you've already been on the phone for like 10 minutes now, the automated voice says "Due to the high volumes of calls we are experiencing at this time, we are unable to take your call. No representatives are available at this time." And the system disconnects the call.

But it doesn't matter when you call. 8am. 830am. 10am. 2pm. 4pm. 5pm. 7pm. Nothing. It always disconnects you. And what's worse, is that you cannot talk to someone at the fucking office. They tell you that the only goddamn way is to use this number and speak to someone. What the fuck?

Also, about my other potential benefits, I got a letter for a meeting yesterday in the mail. The meeting was for a week prior. It had her name and number on it, so of course I call. And of course there is no answer. I called her like 40 times. I even tried to transfer off of her individual line. Guess what happens? "Due to the high volumes of calls we are experiencing at this time, we are unable to take your call. No representatives are available at this time." And the system disconnects the call. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? What is this shit?!

So I called again and left a message. I tried calling again today and now her goddamn inbox is full so you can't even transfer. >:O

Furthermore, Worker's Comp needs to speak to Andrea about me being fired. Because by law, my employer is required to NOTIFY Worker's Comp of a termination BEFORE it happens. And she didn't. And she didn't report it afterwords either. So when I called to see about getting some kind of monetary benefit from them, they were effin surprised that I didn't have my job anymore.

She asked me why I was fired and my understanding and reporting is just so vague because Andrea has no goddamn backbone and her reasoning to me was just as vague and unclear. So my adjuster said she was going to speak to my employer and call me back. That was on the 3rd. I called her back and there was no answer so I left a message. And here it is, still no answer.

And now, I'm not angry with her. But without any money, I WILL FUCKING DIE. >_<;; I need to buy food. I have been living off of fucking bread the last few days. Plus all my stupid bills are due.

And on top of everything, the disability people want to know the exact status of all these other benefits. I mean, that makes sense and all, but what am I supposed to say? And why doesn't the electric company take a debit card (with a visa logo)? They refuse to take ANYONE'S debit or credit card. They only take a check or a money order. Unless you pay at the center and they they take checks, money orders, or cash. Thanks. Not fucking helpful.

I'm so tired of these stupid bureaucratic policies. I understand there are people to cheat the system. But please, why punish everyone for it? I mean, what am I supposed to do?

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Nervous.... [03 Dec 2008|09:39am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Russian Lullaby:. Toybox ]

So on Monday I had my doctor's appt.

That went well, except for the taxi ride there. It ended up being $120! =_=;;

The doctor also didn't have anything to tell me other than something is wrong. Yay for helping out there... Also, he sent off for some special medicine from Tampa, because its a compound of drugs that we don't have in Jax...

Then I got home. I have my phone interview today instead of the tenth. Its at 10:20am. And then I have an MRI of my cervical spine (ie my neck) and I'm not thrilled. >_>;;

Oh and I got fired. 0_o;; Yesterday. Because of my "inability to faithfully interact with customers due to my light duty and constant health issues."

Uhm, can you be fired for being sick? If you are on worker's comp? Also, if I've worked past the 90-day probation period and don't have any write-ups can they fire me for something like this?

It's not that I'm horribly concerned, I know I should be, but I'm rather apathetic. I mean, I had already applied for partial unemployment, so if I just update it to full unemployment... lol. And I have applied for disability due to my onslaught of health problems. Seriously, some days I feel like I'm dying. Then I tell myself to stop being so worrisome and just let myself "sudden death" die like I'm supposed to. Oh yeah. My last cardio-doctor was like, "Did j00 kno that liek j00r chances of sudden cardiac death are liek omg 4x more likely?! lolololololo!!!!!!111"

=_=;; Doctors can be dickheads. And okay, maybe he didn't say it quite like that, but still. Don't tell someone with severe anxiety and panic attacks that uhm, you might randomly drop dead because of reasons nobody knows because your heart is all kinds of fucked. kthanxbai.

Okay well I have that interview soon. Wish me luck.

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[30 Nov 2008|10:26am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | I Get Around:. Dragonette (Midnight Juggernauts Remix) ]

It is always discouraging to hear a song several times and then have to go search for it based off a few key pieces of lyric. It's even more discouraging to finally find said song and think.... This is not what I heard...?

And then come to the realization that you have stumbled onto yet another shitty song from this time-period only to have heard the remix and thought that the original artist was shite. Seriously. What is with all these shitty, crappy bands? But yet another round of applause for Kitsune. ^_^;; MSI was right, lol.

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Strange [29 Nov 2008|04:27pm]
[ mood | nostalgic for stupid things ]

I find it strange that I still catch myself thinking back and missing my cage.

a Floating Bubble°°

Can't Sleep... [29 Nov 2008|05:15am]
[ mood | wanna sleep ]

Well... There isn't much to do at 5am...

my appt with the new doctor is on monday at 10am! =_=;; He sent me a packet of paperwork in the mail. Its basically just a worksheet on my medical information, but really detailed. It asked a lot of questions about my pain and my injury... It did have a really nifty thing: a diagram of a unisex person on a graph. I was to color in where I feel pain. XD It was... different, the least to say. I kinda don't like things like that, all the questions make me double-guess myself and the diagram made me nervous. Like, what if I color in somewhere and I don't really feel as much pain there? I dunno, I worry about everything... Like when it was asking what kind of pain it was. As in, is it stabbing, aching, throbbing, dull, sharp, sudden, pinching, biting, or other. WTF... What if I use the wrong adjective? How can you acturately describe a pain? What if your understanding of what stabbing pain is, is different from what the doctor thinks?

Ahhh.... I don't think anyone but me thinks about these stupid questions... >_>;;

Anyhow. I finally got my certified copy of my birth certificate in the mail. ^__^b Sooo on Monday, after the doctors, I am heading to the DMV for a ID card. And maybe if I'm not too worn out, I can clean the apartment and take the animals to the vet... FLEAS! I've got fleas..... Well, they have fleas, which means I have fleas. Fuckin dog... I swear, its got to be my neighbor. My dog didn't have any flea problems until he brought his huge sweaty stinky dog into the complex. Now Yumi has fleas. So my kitten, Silvanas has fleas. Which means that my bed now is all.... -shudder- I know I'm just imagining things. But I start thinking about fleas and my entire body starts itching like fucking nuts.

So I have that, and I already bought flea-bombs and I have flea spray and shampoo. So yeah. Just have to hope I'm not so worn out by the doctor that I can't function.

I should go to bed, but I really can't sleep. My shoulder and neck are hurting way too much to lay down. T_T

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[19 Nov 2008|01:40pm]
[ mood | irate ]

I hate, with an overwhelming amount of rage, automated phone services.

Seriously. The bitch is an idiot. She never understands anything. If you get upset, your increased volume fucks it all up. God forbid they just hire some people to answer the goddamn phone. My favorite part? How she always refers to their website. "Just check out our website... blah blah blah."

Honestly, do you think I would have called if your fucking website had the answers I needed? I know you have an FAQ, but if I have a specific or strange, circumstantial question, guess what? IT WOULDN'T BE ON THE FAQ BECAUSE IT IS NOT FREQUENTLY ASKED.


/rant.

a Floating Bubble°°

[14 Nov 2008|12:58pm]
[ mood | sick ]

hrm.

theres a protest going on today, that I would have loved to attend and participate in... but I have to work. WTF? I have only 15 hours this week and today of all days, I work? Ugh.

Yesterday was intense. I cleaned house like whoa. Dishes, cat box, mopped, vacuumed, did laundry, cleaned my room, reorganized the bookshelf.... if you had only seen it. Reorganized the living room...

And my gift in return? Killer cramps. >_< I hate life. >O

Oh found a really nifty wooden kitty at the Q-House yesterday too. It was only $3 so now it sits on the desk. I'll have to post a photo of it later. ALSO! I went to the fish store finally. It was so much fun.... I am so lame, I know. I swear to god, I was staring at all the salt-water fishies and coral and snails and crabs for like.... almost two hours.

^_^;; I like fish.

In other news, (I'm trying to not talk about my job!) I don't have another doctor's appt until Dec 1st! And my pain is PAINFUL. I read somewhere about keeping a pain diary... I'm not sure wtf that even is.... but I dunno. Maybe I should because I never talk to the fuckin doctors... I get all nervous about saying something retarded... lol.

Oh well.

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Hrm [04 Nov 2008|04:10pm]
[ mood | jittery ]
[ music | Forty Six & 2:. Tool ]

Voting.

In other news, I don't think I feel comfortable being attacked at work for who I vote for. Seriously.

In completely other news, I am doing slightly alright since I left the hospital. Don't have time for the horrendous update on the visit, but I am indeed still alive.

Andrea cut my hours. I am severely displeased. I need my hours to eat. To survive. She still has her hours. Whatever. I don't care anymore. She seems genuinely concerned about me though. Although whether she is actually worried about me or about me dying and leaving her without someone to clean up her messes at work, I'm not sure.

Brandy is telling everyone he is going to sue Shakeland. I think its funny as shit. Especially since Art is telling Andrea and she told me to be worried. Not about Brandy. But profit is down really low.

And he said he might close up shop. Then we will all be fucked. At least Andrea will be fucked too.

Is that awful of me?

It's getting to be too much. I honestly don't know why the hospital didn't also prescribe anti-anxiety meds. Seriously. My entire body is just a shaking trembling movement.

And my heart hasn't settled. It won't. Which I find fairly unfair on its behalf, I took it to be checked. Why didn't it cooperate?! Stupid body, stupid heart, stupid me.

I really don't understand what I'm going to do. If I keep working, I'll die... If I quit working, I'll starve and then die. Great options there.

I've got to get ready for work so I can be dressed for my upcoming stress-induced tet attacks. Yay for that. I've got enough stress to cause my heart condition to be out of control. What is wrong me?

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Sometimes You Dread the Next Day [28 Oct 2008|03:23am]
[ mood | artistic ]

So Im still sick.

I called out today. And kind of told Andrea off, so we'll see how tomorrow plays out. I'm proud that I told her off, kinda wondering if I still have a job. Eh.

In other news, Snuggle-Bunny and I carved pumpkins!!! It was my first time carving one... And we took pictures. XD

Here is Snuggle-Bunny's pumpkin. Much better carver than me. o_0;;

Scary Carved Pumpkins Beneath! )

Well yep. Thats really all.

Oh and tonight's episode of Heroes? WTF....? Although the sudden Elle/Claire shipping was sweet. ^_^;;

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